It’s the system’s fault, says the Daily Mash:
The system of parliamentary expenses is a corrupt, scum-sucking, piece-of-shit, bastarding thief, MPs insisted last night.
Members from all parties said the rules were a grubby, disgusting little scat-muncher and pledged a wide-ranging inquiry into how the system was somehow able to vote itself into existence in the first place.
As Labour proposed an independent audit committee in its latest deliberate attempt to miss the fucking point, MPs spoke openly about how they had been abused repeatedly by the expenses system.
Barbara Follet, the millionaire Labour MP married to a millionaire author, said it was ‘outrageous’ that she had been forced to defend her millionaire decision to buy three pairs of matching trainers for her pet fly.