People can’t wait for ID cards

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith:

Jacqui Smith says public demand means people will be able to pre-register for an ID card within the next few months.

The cards will be available for all from 2012 but she said: “I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don’t want to wait that long.”

The Daily Mash:

MOST British people are looking forward to having a policeman stand on their windpipe, the home secretary said yesterday. Jacqui Smith insisted there was widespread public support for state-sponsored beatings and being asked to hand over your papers.

She said: “People have been coming up to me in the street and demanding I set about them with a baseball bat. One man even handed me a bamboo cane before getting down on his hands and knees and suggesting I start with his buttocks.”

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