Shuggy on dog owners:
Then there’s the people you see who carry these small hairy rodent type dogs around (because this particular breed can’t walk or something?) put wee jackets on them, talk to them and other weird shit like that. Mentalists, clearly. Frequenting the alcohol section of my local supermarket, as is my want, I once came dangerously close to one of the dog-carrying community who was consulting the mutt lodged in her armpit about her wine choice:
“So what shall we get then Fifi (or something)?” – in very scary ‘as talking to a small child’ kind of voice.
“I was thinking maybe something Australian – Shiraz Cabernet perhaps?” said the dog.
No it didn’t. This being on account of the brute and inescapable fact that it’s a fucking dog and therefore can’t talk!
Of course cats and their owners are far more sensible. “Aren’t they puss?” I say to the bundle of fur meowing on my lap.